So. The ultimatum. Bush is scaring me, dude. I wish I weren't an American in a climate like this. And Sin thinks I should move down to Omaha -- and be right near Strategic Air Command, which is where Bush was one fine September afternoon? No thanks! I want to AVOID all the mayhem.
Still... I don't think I'm a violent person, and I certainly dislike war. Hell, I can't even watch Independence Day in a single session because the insane loss of life invades my brain and makes me break down in tears, and I have to walk away or turn off the TV.
But this war thing coming up on the radar? Whoa nelly. SOMETHING is going on here, something BIG, and we're not getting the whole story. A friend of mine in the military (who miraculously hasn't been called up since last year -- I'm waiting for a call saying he's heading out) -- anyway, he says he thinks he has this figured. Bush got some data via intelligence networks or some other source he can't very well share with the American public. He knows something huge and he knows he has to take action. I have no idea what this is. I'd guess "it" is major biochemical weaponry. Anthrax, perhaps. That shit doesn't die. Some Egyptians tombs were sealed with anthrax in them to kill tomb robbers, and that bacteria is still alive and can affect modern archaeologists!
The logic behind the Bush knowing something theory is that Tony Blair, Prime Minister of Great Britain, is backing up the U.S. on this score. Blair is going against his own political party and people in backing us up, and he wouldn't do that without a reason. He flipped sides after Bush spoke to him personally, I believe.
Hell.
This is hitting me pretty hard. I was driving home to hang out with Sin and others where I live, and the speech was on the radio. The President of the United States of America. I tried other stations, but I got what I expected. He was on most every station. There was no way I could block out the news like I normally do. All I could do was listen to the words to keep me awake as I drove, and feel the blood drain out of my face.
Then Sin let loose on me with a barrage of how useless I am, nobody will take care of me, I'm not able to have a romantic relationship, and I'm overall colossally lazy.
I'd given my razor blades to Sin for safekeeping, and since the New Year I had felt I didn't need them. But I still had my sewing shears (part of a Christmas gift, actually) and I knew they were sharp enough.
I still can hardly carry a conversation with Sin unless it involves war. He's much more knowledgable about politics than I am. And he didn't like it when I mentioned that the war would change a lot for him in the next few days, but I can't help it. It's on my mind.
I still have not heard from the university. They aren't telling me yet whether or not I can take classes later this year, and it's driving me NUTS, because I really don't know if I'll get in or not. I should, but I've been out before and not done well, and gotten kicked out again, so that will weight against me. Additionally, my letter to get back in absolutely reeked. Somebody kill it, please, the deformed little monstrosity that it is.
I now have competing ideas in my head. One's been there for months now and says I need to apply for work at the last place in town I would ever want to be employed. Yuck. They do have my application, but I lack any incentive to actually bug them into hiring me.
The other, more seductive voice says to write out a little story idea of mine. Peanut would recognise it... the, um, alien race? Like big mosquitos? There are SOOOOO many flaws inherent in my silly little idea, but if I could write it properly, with enough -- enough SHIT to cause a reader to willingly suspend their disbelief, then I think it could be really rockin' and fun. Hee.
Bad brain, you don't get another candy bar to fuel creativity while you work on that idea. It's almost 3 A.M, I already had one today, and we were doing so well on that score! Don't mess that up, brain. We can DO this!
Besides, the weather is warming gorgeously... but if I don't squeeze myself in my lightweight jeans (which are all in smaller sizes than I've been wearing lately), then I'm going to have to sweat all summer or wear men's shorts. Eek. Stay strong. Get svelte. Fit into a lime green bikini. Yeah. Yeah!
Um.